Mix Feeling

I went to Along (Azreen) and Cheng (Hasry) ‘s wedding at Tangkak last Sunday. I brought my parents too; apart of the reason nak ajak mereka makan nasi minyak kawan, it was because I do not know how to reach there via public transport.. But I guess it was not a wise decision. Not now.

I left my parents to eat first while I went inside to meet Along- the Bride. I met Bush- the-Bride-mate and almost-8-months-pregnant-Gina. When Cheng arrived, I saw Tapai-the-Best-man, Ayil (the payung holder?), Rumeg-the-photographer, Rodek-the-actor and few other familiar faces.. Sorry guys, I dun really remember ur real names. I thought Ecah might be around since her husband came too, but I didn’t catch any sight of her. Along and Cheng looked beautiful and nice. Mcm tak percaya pula mereka berdua. Kalau dah jodoh kan. Apa2 pun congratulation to both of them.

So back to the story. I was standing in front of the main door looking at the newly wedded couple and then turned to look for my parents when I saw my father stood nearby. I went to my mom just to find out she seems to cry, surprised with her reaction I asked why she was crying. And she said, it was because of my father. My father told my Mom that most of my friends are married, and I look older now but still didn’t get married.

Pening jap kepala aku.

But after awhile, she was OK. I told her I am not the only one yg tak kawin lagi. Pengapit dua-2 single lagi. I told her too nak buat macamana, jodoh belum sampai. But my father said ‘ awak tu yg memilih sgt’. I kept quite.

Maybe next time I shouldn’t bring them around or I should look for my own car. Korang (kwn2 yg tak kawin lagi), if in the future I didn’t manage to come to your wedding(s) for unspeakable reason..sorrylah yer.

They worry either nobody wants me or I didn’t want to get married. Keep on questioning me who is my boyfriend and what kind of man I want. Nobody perfect, said them. I said yes. I am not perfect myself. Terlepas juga kadang2, nak cari yg boleh beri ‘cooling effect’.. he he he

Pressure?
Not really. But a little bit guilty for make them worries about me too much. A mix feeling between guilty and not guilty. Last sekali cuma boleh ckp Sabarlah mak, abah. Insha-Allah sampai jodoh nanti. My mom is the third in the family. My first auntie’s daughter have three children, my last auntie’s daughters who are younger than me have 3 children altogether. My father is the 2nd, my sister is married and now pregnant. My cousin the same age with me also pregnant now, and my older-sister-cousin is going to get married by earlier next year. I? Still like that, seems don’t bother about that.

Desperate?
I have passed the ‘test’.

I made target last time to get married earlier by the age of 24, or latest by 25. Since I am already passed my age of 25 (although it’s 25 years-and-1-month old) but still have not found the One, I feel a little bit relax now. Maybe because I dun have to push myself anymore to achieve the target. Life must go on, isn’t it. I put my wish to The Almighty Allah because He knew better than me. If it is good for me to get married, then marry me with someone who is good. If it is better for me not to get married, then make me a good someone and make my heart strong. Amiin. Insha-Allah apa pun keputusanNya, saya redha.

I remembered what Rasulullah S.A.W said to Abu Bakar when they were hiding themselves from Arab Quraisyh in a cave. La Tahzan! (Don’t be sad)- because Abu Bakar was sad if Rasulullah was found and killed, Islam will be demolished. But the Prophet also knew that Islam will win and rise up in the future. Similar case, I knew that now or later I will meet the one created for me because Allah already told us that He created things in pair. If not in this current world, it will be in the next ‘world’.

To my unmarried friends, don’t be sad. You all are not alone. Insha-Allah your time will come. Sooner or later. Insha-Allah. There are lots of thing for you to do and to occupy your mind. :)

Maybe I should ask my Mom to read La Tahzan (Jangan Bersedih)’s book that I bought last time, but have no time to read accept the first 20 pages… he he he