Changes in life

Ok, how do i looks like in a new look? Well, hardly to say but i do love green colours.. So kalau tukar kali ni pun still with the colour scheme.. hehe tgklah, next time i want to change my colour i'll have some attractive colours.. (erk..) sorie, can't help it with too many 'pinks' as i am quite alergic with that colour. seriously, that colour has big impact for my head.. ahha

What I would like to talk today.. Yesterday, I found out that I might have several ideas. But whenever i login into here and try to write something, the only things that were in my mind is the office matter.. Semalam tidur pun, bermimpi di dalam mimpi itu kite jatuh sakit. Tapi, bile tersedar je, terus ingat nak keje.. haha i'm so sick of this work until mengacau aku kat dlm tidur jugak ..isk!

O.. suddenly i remember about one topic.. ttg melakukan perubahan terhadap diri sendiri, ataupun melakukan perubahan terhadap sikap/behaviour sendiri. It was actually hard, and how hard it is to change a person-i have my own experience. When i was in standard 6/form 1, i can be said to have quite 'a good tantrum'. Cepat merajuk dan marah, suka memberontak-lepas tu if anything went wrong, i'll go crazy.. Example of things that i did was I showed my brother the knife use in the kitchen when he insulted me. It was funny to say this, but somehow quite scarry to look back isn't it. The one you saw right now is the one that has 'survived' during the termination process. I remember, it took me around 2 months to change, and 1 year to fully adapt to the new me. It takes so much support especially from inner you, yourself because it is hard for us to control the outside environment/situation. How do I change? First thing, people keep on saying on my bad habits. My mom especially as she is the nearest one to all my tantrums. Then, i overheard my mom saying that maybe i am on my stage of building the real identity. heheh then, i think all over again what actually i really wants to be.. I have a 'role-model' inside me.. And i try to mold myself into that new me. What i like about people ..

To keep myself from not doing that 'crazy and out of mind' things, i have to control the 'want' to do that.. I have to bring myself out from the situation that stuck me and create the anger. Since my siblings were the most factor contributed to my anger, i don't mingled around with them. I told my friends i was sick when they asked to go out play something or walk here or there. I told my mom, i was too tired and got headache everythime i came home. I was alone most of the time in my room. The feeling? I felt like my skin has been sliced out, and with bare skin i was thrown into a salt-sea with oranges-reddish colour that i hate the most, that sea is very very deep and hot, and i was alone there need to swim back and fro to find the land. The nearest land was soo talll maybe 700-1000 metres above me!! I became a little bit quiet and serious, a little bit obeyed. For the first week, it felt like a year has been pass-away..but when you calculated back it just started 5-7 days!!

After few though weeks, i felt a little bit better and that things did not stucked in my head heavily anymore.. Suddenly i found out that i am being molded to the person that i have in my mind. Sometimes, i felt like i am not satisfied because i cannot do or act as that old me do/act. But when i found out people around me showed good responds to the new me, i felt a little bit better and agree to be that new me.

Now u know the secret: How come i seems to have 2 identities... Ok, that is not the main point. The point here, actually it is really hard to change. But, if you want to change to a better someone, have that mindset of what you want to be first. That will drive all your courage with or without your conscious. Secondly, if there is a will, there is a way.. Never upset, keep on trying. Thirdly, go into the correct environment. If the environment does not support you, move yourself out of it until you are strong enuff to face it back..

Whateva it is, little things will pay you back:)

OK, i am going for a long weekends. Will be back to work by Wednesday.. So catch u up later.. Take care and have a nice holiday. Bye all!