Sometimes I was wondering what will be happened if I took another path in my previous decisions..
What I would want to be when I grew up? I would want to be a princess, king, police, doctor, psychologist, accountant, philosopher……
I met my doctor friend yesterday. And thanx to my friend, after several meetings, I am now more familiar with medical jargons of on-call, back-to-back call, Reno, scrub+ing, MO, Specialist, O&G, painkillers, CTI scanning etc etc..hehheheh So, meeting old friend mmg byklah yg diceritakan termasuklah ttg cita2 kami dahulu.. When I was a little bit younger, maybe at that moment while waiting for our PMR result I also had the thought of becoming a doctor. My friend said if last time I went to SBP (sekolah berasrama penuh), I can be one as well. Unfortunately, I rejected the offer to SBP, and sorok my letter for MRSM until the due date. Actually, I want to stay home since most of my PMR-great-achievers friends were there as well. Then, one of the offer letter to a half-boarding school was received by my mother’s hand; who actually insisted me to go to sekolah asrama so that you-know-what-life-is-all-about-if-you-behave-like-this-and-think-you-cannot-stay-at-home. Yelah, anak perempuan yg sedang membesar dengan mak kalau berjumpa mmg selalu bertelingkah (uish, I don’t know what if I had one daughter –or maybe daughters just like ME in the future), and my mom betted that I won’t be able to stay long in the hostel. As a rebellious teenager who think that mom does not know what I have in my mind, does not understand me and all the siblings were all menyakitkan hati setiap masa, I took the challenge. Kire2 keras hatiler ni.. After that, I think you can guess it out (BTW, I managed to prove I am not the one who cannot live away from home..but my mom who actually cannot live without me at home for a long time..ehheheheh >:) )
Scored straight As in UPSR and PMR, actually I felt a little bit disappointed with my SPM results even though for most that results can be considered flying colours already. I think I can do better than that. It was, a little bit tougher to learn in a half-boarding school when you were an achiever and among those beyond the average schoolmates. Considering you were one of the high achiever, it was indeed quite difficult to concentrate on your study at one time since most friends will come to you asking your assistances in understanding different subjects than what you were studying. I was few times actually have the feeling to be selfish for want not entertaining these friends, but I was also feeling guilty for not sharing the knowledge. (Oh, BTW most of my ‘anak murid’ were successful in their SPMs with Grade 1. I do not know whether to be unhappy with my result or happy for them).
Along the way to adulthood, I also made several unexpected decisions. But itulah ketentuan Ilahi. I am now graduated with Degree in BBA majoring in Economics.. Something which is totally different from my previous tracking of ambitions.
Thinking back a lot now..thinking back on all the possibilities.. what if, what is? *sigh* HE knows better for me. I have been walking and running in a wonderful journey as well. Sometimes, I did fell down, some really knocked me down, some mildly hurt, I did have to crawl and to float, to be able to breath again and stand-up back to continue with the journey. If I took different path, I’ll lose some as well.. I cannot get all I want… Itu lumrah hidup.
Aha, just few years back I discovered that it was really thankful for not being a doctor since I found out that actually I am phobia with blood. Tgk org derma darah, no problem walaupun cam pening2 sket. Tapi bile sendiri yg nak kena derma darah, tiba2 boleh rasa nak pitam.. hahahahaha
Ntah macam mana isu ni boleh timbul, kan.. Maybe, maybe it was because of that doctor friend, or maybe it was what my colleague once said, “Don’t you feel that sometimes we should actually learn something ‘better and heavier’ (such as astronomy, doctor, engineer) than what we took last time during our university time? Because what we learnt can be considered quite common…”
So, akhir kate saya terkilan tak? Hmm..
Demi masa sesungguhnya manusia kerugian. Kecuali, yang berpesan2 dengan kebenaran dan kesabaran.
Mungkin ada sebahagian yg saya rugi kerana masa yg tersia2. Tapi setakat ini saya masih merasakan syukur atas kurniaanNya. Moga2 kelak satu hari saya dpt belajar untuk melepaskan apa yg telah berlaku. Dan moga2 juga hingga sampai satu detik nafas terakhir, saya masih berada dalam limpahan rahmatNya, di kalangan org2 yg mendapat petunjuk..bukan di kalangan org2 yg dimurkai dan bukan di kalangan orang2 yg disesatkan. Amiin.
10 comments:
aku pon penah bercite2 nak jadi doktor.. ini sumer kerana Doogie Howser MD ngan ER.. biasa la pengaruh tv kan.. siap berangan nak jadi doktor masa umur 14 cam doogie.. haha.. fiction sungguh.. tapi aku cepat2 tersedar yg aku sgt tak layak jadi doktor sbb aku mmg takut darah.. tgk org luka2 kat tv pon dah meremang bulu roma aku.. lom bau darah lagi tuh.. ahah.. tapi aku tak terkilan sket pon mmg tak sesuai pon ngan aku, lagi pon 2 org adik aku i'Allah akan meneruskan cite2 murni aku.. haha.. skang nih cite2 aku nak jadi Malaysian Top Host bleh? nak jadi artist lak.. :p
~AZK~
A'kum,
Dr ke Ir ke Pakar Ekonomi ke, sama aje semua. Saling perlu memerlukan. Kalau semua jadi dr pun tak interesting jugak life ni. Wallahualam
Walaupun saya dulu sbp, tapi pencapaian secara individu bagi sek harian skrg lebih memberangsangkan. Bukan nak kutuk, cuma kalau tinggal di rumah, lebih byk pendedahan i.e tgk astro, baca byk jenis paper, gi pameran buku.
Kalau di sbp, mcm katak bawah tempurung. Study aje keje. Kalau tak study, sport. Boring jugak. Tak tau la sbp zaman skrg mcm mana. Anyway ada pros & cons. Jangan marah ye semua, hanya pendapat peribadi.
Jangan menyesal dgn apa yg dah kita capai selama ni. Cuma teruskan berusaha. Wallahualam.
Aina,
teringat juga masa kecil2 suka sgt cerite perisikan kat tv or buku2 nancy drew sbb konon2 besar nanti cita2 nak bawa jet pejuang.. he he he..
Yasser,
You are rite. There is pros and conts in everything. :) Mcm yg saya kate, dulu mmg sorokkan semua surat ke asrama sbb nak dok rumah je. :D Tapi satu terlepas kat tgn mak, tu yg pergi ke asrama juga. Cumanya kalau kat SBP, u can concentrate on ur own study. But, kalau dok luar undeniable you can focus more on the study. mcm nor amalina che bakri yg dpt 17A1 tu kan dok kat rumah kan:D
hehehe... saya dulu dpt smbg belaja kat kelantan pon mak sy cakap mcm tu.. nnt sy homesick susah la apa la.. at last abah sy plak senyap2 dah uruskan perpindahan sy dr kelantan ke ipoh.. huhuhu.. sadis btol terpaksa tinggalkan cikgu cikgi, member2, pakwe2 (oppsss)...
lagi satu kan k ika.. kalu k ika masuk sbp, amik doktor.. tak masuk la mmu.. pastu tak jumpa la saya.. rugi ooo.. huhuhu... ;)
Ika,
menyesali semalam bermakna kita menyesali hari ini.
menyesali hari ini bermakna ikhlaskah syukur dalam hati... ;)
heheh..bukan nak berfalsafah, tapi tertarik dgn tulisan Ika ttg topik nih.
:)
Ika, pilihan masa lalu membentuk kita hari ini. Taqdir itu keputusan yang kita lalui, maka taqdir hari ini mendatangi kita atas laluan yang telah ditetapkan.
Masa lampau, andai di SBP...Zulaikha hari ini akan terbentuk, wajahnya mungkin sama...tapi, pengisian seorang Zulaikha itu pasti berlainan. Sejajar dengan pendidikan yang diperolehinya. Andai MRSM jadi sandaran, pasti jiwa Zulaikha lain daripada yang tersemai hari ini. Andai bidang perubatan jadi pilihan, pasti bukan ekonomi jadi topik kegemaran hari ini. Andai....
Namun, tiada 'andai' kerana semuanya telah ditentukanNYA.
:)
Betul betul, nanti ko tak jumpa aku Tikot, sure ko nangis kalau tak jumpa aku,kan,kan?
Hehe.
My first ambitions is to be a lawyer, ammbassador and volcanolist, mmg pernah terdetik di hati tak nak jadi accountant.
Ended up i became someone that i dun want to be at the first place hehe.
Takpe, accountant power sbb leh pegang duit biler jadi CFO atau bankers hohoh.
hehe kwn2 jgn salah faham yer.. sudah dikatakan, kalau saya pilih jalan lain mungkin i gained some, but i loss some as well. cthnyer, mungkin saya tak tahu nak blogging ni pun:P cth lain, bak kate hany pengisian berbeza.. kalau nak dikatakan nikmat Dia dah beri walau jalan berbeza, cukup byk. Malahan, kalau dulu saya mengambil jalan berbeza mungkin tak terasakan nikmat ni. AL-Hamdulillah.
Tulisan tu sekadar menjadi satu titik persoalan yg akhirnyer disimpulkan *saya mmg bahagia dengan kehidupan sekarang* :D Kdg2 hati manusia kan, mmg ada ber'andai-andai'. Tapi jika difikirkan secara mendalam, yg andai itu lebih byk risiko tak terlihat.
Mengakui bhw dlm perjalanan saya, ade waktunya saya mensia2kan waktu yg ada, atau mungkin patut melakukan sesuatu dgn cara berbeza. tapi kalau ikut ayat al-Quran tu, rasanya al-Hamdulillah hidup saya masih bererti, masih penuh dengan nilai2 cerita ceriti manusia..
Anyway, thanx all for your concern. Yelah, salah satu nikmat pilih jalan sekarang ialah dpt kwn2 macam korang semua la.. di manakan ku cari ganti.. :P
apa2 pon ika rawks!! jadi economist ke.. jadi doctor ke.. lawyer ke.. accountant ke.. yg penting kite happy.. rezeki halal..
jum jadi artist.. :p
~AZK~
aku dulu pun bercita2 nak jadi doktor. walaupun ada juga tempias accountant cause both my parents were in accounts tapi kalau ikut carrer profile mmg sepatutnya aku jadi doktor. but eventually, i freaked out and chose another path. ramai org kata rugi dgn result aku. tapi aku rasa bersyukur jugak dapat macam ni kan, kerja pun ok Alhamdulillah. dah ada anak & suami pun :)
Aina,
1st para, you are absolutely rite... live the life to the fullest kan;)
2nd para.. erks, bukan dah jadi 'artis' ke? :P
Aini,
:D . No comment. Asalkan bahagia. hehe
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