Uhhum..

Sejak akhir2 ini, fikiran saya banyak sedikit terganggu dengan cerita2 berkisar kerja dan pejabat. Terlalu banyak conflict luar dan dalam yang perlu saya fikirkan. Saya kira sudah cukup pening dan celaru. Susah nak dijelaskan; lagipun ada orang fikir saya terlalu berfikiran negative. Well, even my boss admitted that at most time I do think positive. But for the current situation, as she told me ‘If someone who is as optimist as you are at most time could be like this, just imagine those who are not’.

We received the news already that we are being seconded for 1 year to the new management. And after that one-year we can decide whether to continue with the new management or revert back to the Parent co. I am not sure the ‘We’ means ourselves or actually the decision of those Big People. Because, they can just change the rules whenever they want and like to do… So the decision heals some of my 'thinking things', but still not totally eliminate what i have in mind.

4-working-years, I learnt a lot of things on human being. It seems that we (the Malaysians and especially the Malays) are moving very fast towards the world of materialization. Whatever we do or going to do at most time is meant for ourselves only. Those who think for others will usually be the sacrifice. The bigger and more you think about the others, the more you are going to be slashed in and out. To make it worst, some of those you think about will actually trying to get as much possible from you. Unfortunately, the higher the post holds and the bigger the salary earn will also leads to greediness to fill in your own pockets – without considering the responsibility, the future, the generation, the nations ..the sustaining of one. Sad. Am so sad. Thinking that actually there is a lot of things are going to take place in this very near future…

I am considering not disclosing my real name on the net. Bro Rollie, maybe you are right. Maybe too many people already knew who I am on the net, and it can be dangerous. :)

The best I can do right now is..
1. To do my job at my best.
2. To inform my participants to do good deeds for themselves and the people around them.
3. To maintain my own principals of life. Do not let others try to change it as accordingly to the world’s scenario today.
4. To develop myself to become a better person.
5. To have some relaxing activities, and events.
6. To pray…for Allah’s forgiveness and to seek peaceful heart.

And lastly, but not least ‘To smile’.
I guess the last one is the easiest thing for me to do now.

Thanx to friends who did asked about my situation. Thanx to those who care about me. I didn't realize that i was one of those optimist until you said so. I should try to have myself back soon. :) How wonderful it is to have friends like you all. Thank you for being by my side.

Berkat Cikgu

I had chit-chatted with my boss. I think i am gonna miss her when she 'retired' from here soon.. She applied for VSS and it has been approved.

We talked about one incident that in a session of ISO awareness given to staff, the people in the group were questioning the trainer's objective. The face of the trainer changed. The trainer was so frustrated with the non-cooperative attitude; plus when they were requested to show how to get the info - they can't do it.

In the end what happened to them?

The other group who has no problem with the reason for the awareness session and the way they were being taught, understood the concepts and using the right forms. And the people who were questioning the teacher, was the one who using the wrong forms and had to re-do their jobs.

My boss said: Tulah. Cikgu ni kita tak boleh nak lawan2. Ada berkat pada cikgu ni.

And the conversation continue with broaden subjects. Such as what is currently happened in the country. Including tentang pengajian agama, dan pembelajaran alQuran. She mentioned about 'Berkat Cikgu'.

"Sebab tu dalam ajaran Islam kita disuruh berguru dan menghormati guru. Dengan keadaan murid (pelajar) yang bersedia untuk belajar, perlu ada persediaan untuk belajar (mcm kertas, pen, buku), keadaan cikgu yang perlu melihat pelajar, cikgu juga perlu ikhlas nak berkongsi ilmu, mata cikgu perlu lihat pelajar, sebab dalam mengajar ni ada roh dia. roh ilmu itu sendiri. transfer of knowledge".

"Recalled back, when Rasulullah SAW menerima wahyu, keadaan Nabi masa terima some wahyu tu sehingga berpeluh2, bermaksud certain ilmu tu 'berat' sebenarnya. Bagi yang menerima dan mengajar"

Itu buat saya terfikir, betapa bukan mudah menjadi seorang yang berkongsi ilmu. Certain types of courses made me exhausted. Some of the trainers almost lost the voice to talk. Jika tak ikhlas atau tak bersungguh2 mengajar, juga menyebabkan anak murid (pelajar) tidak dapat menguasai sesuatu dengan baik. Selalu mengingatkan diri saya untuk tidak berlaku prejudis di dalam kelas; dan melupakan kalau ada rasa tidak suka kepada mana2 pelajar sebab ianya mcm menjadi satu doa pula untuk pelajar itu boleh atau tidak menerima ilmu yang diberikan.

Juga membuatkan saya terfikir, betapa saya sudah lama tak berhadapan dengan seorang guru untuk belajar. :)

p/s: posting yang lepas ada adjustment sket, sbb taknak seolah2nya nampak 'controversy' dalaman. ehhehe Aini, insha-ALlah takda cakap bukan2. Sekadar peringatan untuk diri saya yang selalu lupa.

Pergi

Saya dah lama tak rasa macam ni.
Kadang2 sgt saya rasa. Kadang2 saya fikir rasa sebegitu membahagiakan.
Kadang2 saya fikir rasa itu sgt sebak. Sedih sampai saya rasa saya nak nangis.
Rasa yang buat hati saya bergerisik (err ada ke mende ni dalam kamus ek? macam berdesir tu kuat sgt bunyinye.. )
Tapi airmata saya takdelah keluar lagi.
Dan takde pun berita buruk yang berlaku sekarang
Atau orang yang sakitkan/kecewakan hati saya
(organisasi tu lain cerita.. tu desir lain..)

Tapi mungkin ada hikmah yang akan menanti hadapan saya.
Mungkin ada ilmu yang Allah SWT nak anugerahkan kepada saya. Allahu'alam.


Kata orang, 'antara tanda2 orang berilmu ialah selalu rasa nak mati'. Kenapa? Tanya saya. Kata orang 'sbb orang yang berjaya ialah orang yang selalu mengingati mati'. Dalam perlu saya teliti. Tapi otak saya tak kuat berfikir dan meneliti dalam2. Saya cuma rasa, itu kata orang.

Saya fikir. Saya jarang rasa, dan saya tahu ilmu saya sgt2 kurang nak dibandingkan dgn ramai org2 di sekeliling saya. Entahlah, mungkin peringatan utk saya kalau2 satu hari jadi benar.

Awak nak kata apa2?
... :)