End of Journey?

Humaira is 4 months and 12 days old today.
So far she has been exclusively breastfeeding. I am not sure until when I will be able to hold her from formula milk. I am struggling to pump milk for her, besides my struggle to handle her active character. In the end, we bought a small tin of FM just to have some peace at mind worrying that I can’t pump enough milk for her and she will be hungry. So far, the small tin that cost us almost RM30 is still there for about a week.. Not intact, not open yet, but has been eyeing by Nenek Humaira who happened to visit us here, and did not went back to my hometown until end of the week with us.. Feeling some sadness thinking that i have to mix her meal with my milk and formula milk, but i have no option for that.

It never came across my mind before that I will be facing challenges in wanting to exclusively breastfeed my child, internally and externally. One day I knew I was pregnant, and when I felt like I was quite stabile from the morning sickness I surfed the net to find info on how to handle life after delivering the baby. Overwhelmed with too much info that I never knew before, I was almost having panicked attack when realizing I have 5 months to understand, absorb and apply all that. That is when I understand what it means by susu ibu. OK, u may laugh at me for did not understand its meaning in the first place (before I was married and in my early pregnancy) because I thought that susu ibu means susu yg ibu2 minum (blank.. how did I get the idea?) Perhaps because I am used to the term ‘susu badan’ (or in my husband’s hometown is referred to ‘susu dada’) .

Things were moving very fast for me, from getting to know my husband, meeting both parents, merisik, preparing for the wedding, getting married and pregnant which occured in less than a year. Time was fully utilized in my case. On handling the milk for the baby already made me dizzy.. the bottles need to be strealized, the milk, expressed milk, techniques for breastfeed..bla bla bla.. then here comes with cloth diaper, baby rash, items for baby, clothing, hospital, doctors....and on and on... i never really pay much attention to any post on these things previously wrote by my friends as i thought i'll learn it later or perhaps not within a short period of time.. God knows better.

Now i understand the needs for a support group for breastfeeding mothers.
I am lucky that my husband stands next to me and support me well so far.
But now i am wondering..if the journey is going to end soon?